Poetry
I'm Putting it in for 'The Turner'.
12/06/04
I'M PUTTING IT IN FOR THE TURNERI've a dirty old suitcase all covered in grime,
I'm putting it in for 'The Turner'
And an old garden gnome that's dripping with slime,
I'm putting that in for 'The Turner';
My mother-in-law's cat which is dead and is stuffed,
It sits on her lap and she's terribly chuffed,
But I don't like the in-law or cat half enough
So I'm putting them both in for 'The Turner'.
There's a couple of relatives died recently:
I'm putting them in for 'The Turner';
They're pickled , of course, in glass coffins you see,
Which is right, don't you think, for 'The Turner'?
Their dog, on his own now, I've pickled him too,
He sits on the lid of an old plastic loo
It should cause a sensational 'bit of a do'
When I put them all in for 'The Turner'.
I saw cows in a field dropping cowpats galore;
I'm putting one in for 'The Turner'.
I'll first let it dry then I'll daub it with gore -
Should work out a treat for 'The Turner';
But what would work better if the farmer allows
Is take his field with cowpats all together with cows
And present the whole lot - what a sight, what a wow! -
At the annual show called 'The Turner'.
What I really would like but I'm not sure whether
It would qualify as work for 'The Turner',
Is a composite piece of two artists together -
A symbiotic, symbolic piece for 'The Turner';
It would have Tracey Emin in bed fast asleep,
By her side would be Hirst's much maligned pickled sheep,
A monstrosity e.g that would make Turner weep
If he were to turn up for 'The Turner'.